Working mothers: between guilt and the desire for professional development

I have always believed that both working and stay-at-home moms are positive role models for children.

Unfortunately each group has its own stigmas, but today I want to refer to those of us who decided to combine motherhood with the desire for professional development, including the amount of guilt that this entails. It has happened to you, for sure!

My life has been work

Before getting to the point, something very nice that I would like to share with you is that I have worked all my life. I don’t know another life. Since I was two years old (and there is YouTube as a witness), I have been on TV and I have worked.

At an early age I learned that this was my world.

Of course, I could have said “no more”, but from a very young age I understood that to get through sometimes you have to make sacrifices. Back then, child artists were seen as strange people. Today fortunately everything has changed. Luckily, there is much more openness and respect.

The “guilt” of mothers

Now, all the things that are said about motherhood are true: you love your children before you meet them and it is a love so great that it is indescribable and exceeds you.

You are facing a profound transformation of your life. Nothing you’ve experienced before will change you as much as the arrival of your first child.

One day you are independent, participate in soap operas, go on tours, sell out concerts, and nine months later –and for the rest of your life– you will have to make each decision considering the repercussions they will have on that new being that, from the beginning, depends entirely on you.

The decision to return to work, or not…

It is an internal war and I believe that nothing has as much weight as the decision to return to work or not. It is certainly an issue that generates a lot of tension in women. I have working friends who tell me that they feel guilty for not being with their children always, and I have others who, despite being happy with their decision to be at home, admit that sometimes they feel isolated and resentful.

Respect…

I deeply respect all of them because today I know what it is to be a mother and to be criticized for making either of the two decisions.

Those who stay home with their children receive comments such as, “Oh, you’re just home”, as if it were not a high-demand job that requires all of your energy.

If you are a working mom, and unfortunately you had to miss your children’s PT meeting, there is always someone who will tell you, “I see, your work. You should pay more attention to them”.

How do they know that you are not paying attention to them?

There will always be criticism

Whatever you do, whatever decision you make, there will always be someone who criticizes you.

Hurtful comments

The worst thing is that many times the most hurtful comments come from other women, from other moms who incredibly do not seem to realize the situation that the other is in. We should be more empathetic to each other.

Is up to you…

Well, as there will always be someone who judges you, I suggest that you make the decision whether or not to return to work considering, first of all, what you want to do, what makes you happy. Once I asked myself that question, I thought and analyzed, “What is the best thing for my son” (now children, two beautiful “dolls” that I adore)?

The decision you make will be fine

The truth is that there is not much evidence about the fact that if a parent stays at home (or not) affects positively or negatively the development of children.

A study by Harvard University suggests that daughters whose mothers are in paid employment are more likely to find a job and, in most cases, in high-paying and responsible positions.

According to Kathleen L. McGinn, one of the authors of this report, working mothers are looking for ways to balance their work outside the home and their responsibilities at home, which will influence their children. Through example, children will take the same path and repeat it in their own lives.

But this study has many gaps. How did it exactly influence the children? What repercussions did it have on an emotional level? So far, I have not found anything serious that tips the balance to one side or the other.

In my case…

I made the decision considering what worked best for my family and I think that is a great issue because each of us have different contexts. The only thing I ask from you, and that helped me, is that you try to be honest with you about what you want for yourself. Consider suggestions, listen to your partner, but in the end do as your heart desires.

I will also share with you another great tip to make the decision: think about how you want your children see you.

Also in my case…

What I want is that my children realize that I am a woman who has always worked, who has come through absolutely everything, that she never gives up. That’s what I want: that they become life-fighters. In life there are many setbacks, but the important thing is the attitude and the desire to come through.

I am Anahí and I am looking forward to meeting you in my next article in Baby Creysi.

Translated by: Ligia M. Oliver Manrique de Lara

Spanish version: Here