Perfectly imperfect, don’t pretend you can do it all!

“Don’t pretend that you can handle everything, learn to live in balance”, says Kalinda Kano, author of the book, Perfectamente imperfecta (Perfectly Imperfect), from Editorial Planeta, a text that invites us to reflect on the value of what really matters.

And it seems that, at present times, it seems that the value of people is measured by: how busy you are, how many followers you have, if you are healthy or fit, if you are a good mother, wife, friend, or daughter.

Do you realize how exhausting that is? The writer tells us that you only need to listen to your inner self to understand what you already know: “being Superwoman is more toxic than anything”.

BABY CREYSI (BC): Why do we fall into the trap of wanting to be Superwoman and be efficient all the time?

Kalinda Kano (KC): It has to do with the role of women throughout history, social and family pressure and our jobs. Many of us have a sufficiency problem. We feel that we are not doing enough, so we really push our limits for someone to come and congratulate us. We want to be the leaders all our lives.

BC: We even feel guilty of our leisure time, we believe that we are not doing “anything productive”.

KC: That’s right and it’s tough because women have added too many different things to their regular activities. Just a few generations ago, most of women dedicated themselves to the family, and they did it very well.

Those who are moms know that it is a mega responsibility. Now add to it having a career, a job, but also being fit, being spiritual, having a great haircut, keeping up with the series…

The list of things we have is endless. Our leisure time or free moments generate a lot of guilt because actually, we have not finished what we perceive as pending. We feel like we’re wasting time just lounging around, instead of listening to a podcast, putting on a beauty face mask and learning how to meditate at the same time.

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Eventually our heads blow up

BC: In Perfecamente imperfecta (Perfectly Imperfect), you share with us about the tools you used to transform your lifestyle: how to deal with stress and grow. Can we live through so much social pressure?

KC: I did a lot of research and what I found out is that everyone eventually blows up. Nobody does, in the same way. There are some people who suffer from anxiety, panic attacks, depression, but there are also people who manifest it with some illness, others who vent it with drugs or get themselves off at weekends in parties.

The human being needs that relief: boxing, in therapy, crying. We live adding things to do and that’s like you’re inhaling all the time, at some point you have exhale and it’s the same with stress.

BC: The worst thing is that, those of us who are mothers, drag our children into that maelstrom. We want to get them into our rhythm and they are not prepared.

KC: We are harming them a lot because we transmit our neurosis to them in a certain way. All of a sudden, there are children in second grade who have a tremendous level of stress, who feel that life depends on their grammar test.

Being a woman is not defined by being a mother

In her book, Kali also tells us about her experience as a mother and how she has adapted to the changes that motherhood brings. From being a TV host who traveled the world interviewing bands, she became responsible for someone else’s life, and looks for more stable projects. For me, motherhood hasn’t happened without some bumps.

Being a mom is a full-time job, a vocation, a super life project.

And like any project of this magnitude, devoting so much time and energy to it steals a bit of your identity and often leaves you drained and missing yourself. But like all the moms in the world, I learned to let go of a little control and take it one day at a time.

To discover who you really are, the author recommends being patient. “After such a big transformation as becoming a mother, it takes a while for things to fall into place.

Breathe and find pleasure in the little things: drink your morning coffee in silence, the trip to the supermarket listening to your music. Then go exploring your desires: a class a week of something that interests you, an outing with friends. When you give yourself space, little by little you begin to recover. I am positive.”

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The importance of resting

BC: In your book you make it clear that working tirelessly does not make you better, more efficient, what can we do to get rid of that idea?

KC: The belief that the female mind is multitasking is a lie. We do have the ability to be in everything at the same time, but that creates stress and the truth is that you are not really efficient in anything.

I mean, you were preparing the lunchbox at the same time that you were answering emails, while you were making your eyes up; later, it turns out that your son tells you that the sandwich you prepared for him did not have cheese or ham, that it was plain bread, and you wrote an incomplete email, and your eye line is crooked. It is very important to learn to be in the present.

Do fewer things, but do them well. The truth is that when you do less things, but make sure they are done well and breathe during the process, you will have a much better time.

BC: What do you recommend to women to slow down the little voice we have in our heads?

KC: My head is still full, but it is a matter of nature. There are those of us who are much more accelerated and we must accept that we will be like this all our lives. What I do recommend is that you pay attention to what you dedicate energy to.

Be clear that you are not going to be always at the top, nobody is going to give you a diploma if you do 890 things in the day. That means to set limits and even be “mean”. I use quotation marks because it’s not really being mean, but protecting yourself.

People who take advantage of you don’t like it when you set limits. I recommend that you carefully choose what you put your time and energy into. When you slow down and take a good look at your life, you realize that there are many things, which were not necessary and wear you down.

There are other things that you do have to do, like driving the children to school, but others that you don’t, our days have a lot of diversion.

For example, quarrelling in the family or moms chat, telling your favorite influencer that you didn’t like her haircut, going out with your classmates from elementary school that you never liked. Observe everything you do, separate and decide what is worth it.

All of us are imperfect and that’s ok

BC: Finally, what steps should we take to be perfectly imperfect?

KC: The first step is to give us a chance and accept ourselves. That leads us to really know ourselves, to know who we are. That is, not what our mother, cousin or our partner thinks we are, but truly knowing ourselves.

By getting to know yourself, you can identify the parts of yourself that you don’t like so much and embrace them. If you accept yourself, the rest falls into place because you realize that we all have things to improve.

It is a personal process. We live in times where we are seeing the perfect life of others, social networks do not show us the ‘dark side’, but when you recognize your own ‘dark side’, you realize that nobody is perfect and you can relax.

Perfectly Imperfect

Author: Kalinda Kano

Publisher: Planeta

Synopsis: After pretending she could handle everything, Kali collapsed, but she knew how to turn her own story around. In Perfectamente imperfecta (Perfectly Imperfect), she tells you about the tools she used to transform her lifestyle into a healthier one and help you find your own balance:

Translated by: Ligia M. Oliver Manrique de Lara

Spanish version

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